DIVORCE MEDIATION
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

1. WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF HIRING A PROFESSIONAL MEDIATOR?

• A professional mediator is an impartial party.  She/he is not acting or advising in conjunction with either party, the judge, or either attorney. 

• A professional mediator helps divorcing couples identify, clarify and prioritize the issues that must be resolved, and then resolve them in a neutral environment.
• A professional mediator helps divorcing couples to remain on track during their negotiations rather than derailing with feelings of anger or resentment. 

• In cases where child custody is involved, a professional mediator helps each party to determine and remain focused on the best interest of the children as they negotiate the issues which will have a tremendous impact on their children’s future. 
• Mediation puts your future in your own hands rather than forcing the court to mandate an outcome which neither party advocates.  

• A professional mediator facilitates current communication and helps the parties to develop more productive communication patterns to prevent conflict moving forward.
• Mediation promotes cooperation, reduces stress and conflict, and eases the fall-out from the inevitable separation.
• Mediation is undoubtably a cost effective alternative to litigation. 

 

2. IS WORKING WITH A MEDIATOR MANDATORY?

Professional mediation is often mandated by a judge prior to moving forward with court in cases where the divorcing couple can’t agree on such issues as division of property, custody and other divorce related matters.  The purpose of mediation in the eyes of the judge is to avert costly, time-consuming and stressful court disputes by settling the terms in advance.

Other couples realize the benefits of working with a mediator from the outset.  They want to be proactive in saving money and decreasing stress.  In cases where custody is involved, they realize the value of developing an effective communication plan during the post-divorce, co-parenting years.  These couples independently hire a mediator.  The financial requirements are the same regardless of whether mediation was mandated or pursued independently.  However, many couples who are mandated to attend have already spent a large amount of money on attorney’s fees to come to the conclusion that they are at an impasse.    
 

3. IF I WORK WITH A MEDIATOR, WILL I STILL NEED AN ATTORNEY?   

Yes.  It is beneficial to hire independent counsel prior to the mediation process.  This allows you to consult your attorney for advice and guidance throughout the process.  The value of working with a mediator from the outset is reflected in the hours spent.  Attorney’s fees are significantly higher than those of mediators.  Additionally, the process of adversarial negotiations between attorney’s who are interested solely in fighting for their clients polarized positions, is typically significantly more time consuming.  This translates to more hours and a much higher rate.  Mediators are beneficial in that they help the divorcing couple attempt to find common ground and maximize the possibility of a win-win outcome rather than fighting blindly for one party.  Once the couples settle on terms and mediation comes to a close, the mediator drafts the agreement and forwards it to each attorney for review and filing within the court.   

 

4. MY SPOUSE AND I CAN’T EVEN TALK WITHOUT ARGUING.  WHY WOULD MEDIATION BE ANY DIFFERENT?

Part of the benefit of mediation is that it helps to provide the tools for effective communication moving forward.  Professional mediators are trained extensively in helping couples navigate communication issues and approach future interactions in a more productive manner.

 

5. WHAT IF THERE IS A POWER IMBALANCE BETWEEN MY SPOUSE AND I?  BY BEING IMPARTIAL, WILL THE MEDIATOR ALLOW ONE PARTY TO BE BULLIED INTO SIGNING AN AGREEMENT?

No.  There have, however, been occasions when one party began mediation with the assumption that their partner would attempt to bully them.  Instead, the concerned party developed new negotiation skills which complemented their partners style throughout the process of mediation, which empowered them and facilitated an effective process.   

That said, not all couples are suited for divorce mediation.  Professional mediators are trained to recognize when the dynamic between you and your spouse would be counterintuitive to the process.  In order for mediation to be productive, each party must be able to acknowledge and discuss ideas which are in conflict with their own.  If a serious power imbalance becomes evident and alternate approaches to communication are ineffective, the mediator will initiate the process of termination while acknowledging the characteristics which are rendering mediation unsuitable in that particular case.

 

6. AM I CONCEDING ANY OF MY RIGHTS BY AGREEING TO MEDIATION?

No.  Mediation is simply a more productive, reasonable and cost effective alternative to litigation.  Your rights remain untouched by the mediation process.  Mediation is confidential and only those issues which both parties agree to are presented to the court. 

 

7. WHAT IF I WANT TO TERMINATE MEDIATION?  DO I HAVE THAT RIGHT?

Yes.  Divorce mediation is considered voluntary in most cases.  Either party can terminate at any time.  Even when mediation is mandated by the court, each party maintains the right to withdraw at any time if they are not happy with the progress.

 

8. ARE THERE ANY SITUATIONS WHICH WOULDN’T SUPPORT MEDIATION?

Yes.  There are some instances when mediation may either be inherently unproductive or may pose a threat.  Mediation is not appropriate in cases of domestic violence for various reasons including, but not limited to the safety of the divorcing parties and the mediator. 

Also, when mediation has been utilized more than once in the past with one or both parties disregarding the agreed upon outcomes, it is likely that mediation will serve little purpose moving forward.  Both parties must respect the process and the official outcomes of mediation in order for it to be effective. 

If one or both parties is regularly dishonest during mediation or refuses to cooperate with the mediators guidelines, mediation may not be recommended.    

 

9. HOW LONG DOES MEDIATION TYPICALLY TAKE TO PRODUCE RESULTS?

Sessions are typically scheduled in 1-2 hour increments.  Some mediators will meet with each party individually as well as meeting with the parties jointly.  This helps to efficiently establish a greater understanding of the intricacies of the situation.  The total number of sessions is dependent upon the complexity of the issues being negotiated and thus varies from one situation to the next.  In general, effective mediation can be expected to last anywhere from three to twelve sessions. 

 

10. CAN WE GO TO MEDIATION EVEN IF WE ARE ALREADY DIVORCED?

Yes.  In fact, it is common for divorce mediators to work with families who have already gone through the actual divorce.  Mediation serves as an extremely useful venue for negotiating and implementing modifications to the existing parenting plan as they become necessary.  Mediators are trained in recognizing and understanding post-divorce adjustment issues in children, and are able to provide a neutral space for determining the best interests of the child.    

  

Please feel free to contact Lisa at LisaWatson@InfiniteEvolution.com or 773-617-2013 with further questions.